A Kiss is Still a Kiss
As Time Goes Bye
Herbert Hupfeld, 1931

Would Larry David diss me as a “kisser-greeter?”

I never want to harass.  I don’t want to spread germs.  But I don’t want to be a cold fish either. So I never know. When do I go for the hug with a cheek-to-cheek air kiss hello and when is a handshake all it takes?

After a recent experience (see #2 below) I decided to evaluate my guidelines. Here are my 7 rules for surviving a complicated world:

MY SEVEN RULES

1. Coworkers and staff: Never, ever, ever hug/kiss. And in these difficult to navigate times, let me add one more NEVER!
2. A neighbor I am meeting for the 2nd time: Tried the hug/kiss, was chided: “So we are kissing friends now?” Best not to dive in until I know someone a little, or a lot, better.
3. A neighbor who hug/kisses everyone else, but who seems to duck away whenever I come to say hello: Best not to hug/kiss. And best not to feel offended.  Maybe she is allergic to the cat fur clinging to me.
4. All the vendors and sales reps who pop into my office at the worst possible time, just so they can introduce me to the new regional manager of the Northwest District of the Midwest Zone for Product Improvement and Research: Best not to hug/kiss. A handshake and a glance at my watch is a better way to subtly let them know I really AM busy.
5. Vendors and sales reps who pop into my office with Garrett’s Popcorn for the whole lab and who initiate the hug: Best not to hug/kiss (see Rule #4,) but OK, I go along with it for the sake of employee morale. Especially when the popcorn is the cheese and caramel corn mix, and very fresh.
6. New Year’s Eve: Assuming everyone has had enough champagne, everyone I can get to between 12:00 and 12:01, (or as long as it takes to sing Auld Lang Syne on Channel 5) gets a hug and a kiss. Also anyone I have ever watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” with, after we have wiped the tears from our eyes.
7. Female members of the extended family: The hug/kiss seems pretty natural, all the way up to the great grandmas. For purposes of this rule, I draw the line at 3rd-cousin-twice-removed-via-marriage.

Those are my rules, subject to change. What are yours?

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If you missed it: 7 Words Pathologist Won’t Use

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