To recognize this blog’s 200th edition, I have asked President Trump to comment. Below is an unedited transcript of a voicemail I received this morning.

“Ok, this is President Trump. I love CiCi’s Pizza. Love their pizza buffet. It’s huuuuge. And the pepperoni slices are big enough to cover up a porn star’s…oh wait, Sarah is telling me this call isn’t about pizza.  I am supposed to talk about your blog’s 200th edition. She says CC means two hundred in Roman. They didn’t teach me those foreign languages at my boarding school. Didn’t know we would wind up with a country full of Romans and Mexicans and Hondurians.

“Anyway, Sarah made me read some of your blogs. Well, she didn’t really make me read them, she just told me about them.  I can relate to all your stories about building your house. You just screwed it up one way. If you had declared bankruptcy you could have avoided paying ANY of the contractors and saved beaucoup bucks. Call me we can talk about this, believe me I know.

“Sarah showed me the thing you wrote last year when you wanted to be my science advisor. You seem really smart and know some science. But I like my appointees to have some skin in the game, like the CDC Director buying stock in tobacco and big pharma. I knew she wouldn’t go after any of my big donor friends. But then she kept recusing herself, just like that ass Sessions. I need loyalty damn it!

” I liked what you wrote about Crooked Hillary. The only thing keeping her out of jail is the Justice Department. In my next term, that whole department is going to go. Or I am going to appoint Diana Ross as head of the Supreme Court. I can’t remember what I said in my last tweet about that.

“You just came back from Vietnam. I did too. They love me there. They told me they love me as much as any American President since Richard Nixon. I’m thinking of turning the Hanoi Hilton into a Trump Tower, but there is no room for a golf course. Maybe I’ll put it where that Ho Memorial is. I don’t need a memorial to remember my ho’s.

“Did you ever get onto Family Feud? We were going to do it too. Me and Melania and Donald Jr. and Ivanka and Jared. But Steve Harvey wouldn’t give us the questions in advance. Said it would be an unfair advantage. I asked Vladimir P if he could get them for me and he said I would have to wait because all his hackers were busy working on the 2018 Congressional Elections. I said V you gotta do me a solid here but he told me to wait until next year. So it will be a while before we get onto the Feud. But the ratings when we do will be great, really great.

“So congrats on your blog. Come down to Mar-a-Lago and we will play a round of golf. But I gotta warn you, I am good, really, really  good.”

I can’t wait to see what the President says on my 300th!!

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