A new toothbrush will change my life? Really?

I listen to a lot of sports radio. WSCR The Score is on my office boom box at least half the day, alternating with the music and charming repartee of my best friends in the whole world, Lin Brehmer and Mary Dixon on WXRT. So I am used to a little bombast, a little hyperbole, and a lot of BS. You know, things like Corey Parkey is the worst kicker off all time, and Javier Baez is already a Hall-of-Famer. (My apologies if you aren’t a sports fan.)

But even listening with just half an ear yesterday morning, this one stopped me cold. Dan “Love Him or Hate Him” Bernstein was reading copy (I couldn’t tell if it was live or on tape) for one of the many, many, many product endorsements he makes. “Quip is going to change your life,” he read, his sincerity radiating through the airwaves.

“What is Quip?” you ask. Readers, it is a toothbrush, Danny, how in the world is it going to change my life?

I am a firm believer in oral hygiene. I brush my teeth at least twice a day, and see my dentist twice a year (shout out to Dr. F enjoying retirement in Florida–Hi there Syl!) I haven’t had a new cavity in years. So just how is a new toothbrush going to change my life. Can it really compare with, say, life-saving heart surgery?

Oh, I know, this toothbrush is super fancy with buzzers and timers and a handy suction sticker. And even MORE special it comes with a subscription for replacement brushes every few weeks. Just what we all need, another regular hit on our credit cards–or PayPal if you prefer. Maybe some industrious Gen X’er will link up the toothbrush subscription with a razor blade subscription. Do that and I won’t have to go to Target for anything anymore.

So Dan, I will keep on listening to the show. I will tolerate all your endorsements for the beef packages, the discount wine, the meal kits that take an hour to prepare, and the cheap loans. But when it comes to a toothbrush, in the words of your old partner Terry Boers, who you crappin?