I don’t want to pick on anyone. I have no animus towards Amy Dickinson who writes the Ask Amy advice column that appears in the Chicago Tribune, the (much older) sister of ChicagoNow, the home of this blog. But one letter in Wednesday’s column, and particularly Amy’s response, left me scratching my head and wondering if I was missing something.

An advice seeker wrote in, asking how to respond when random men “ordered” her to smile at random times of the day. The writer stated this was only said by men, and only to women, and how the heck did those men know what kind of a day she was having? The “command” made her feel like the men were insinuating she wasn’t up to snuff and she needed to do better.

I expected Amy’s response to be along the lines of “Really? Do you find it THAT upsetting? I’m sure whoever says that just says it to everyone. It may be annoying, but don’t take it personally and get over it.” That is certainly how I would have answered if I was writing the advice column.

But Amy’s response took a different tack. She told us that when someone casually tells her to smile, she seethes (italics mine.) She finds it a “casual assertion of privilege,” even though she doesn’t believe the requester has put much forethought into the request for her to smile. Is she going to smile? Hell no. It was a pretty strong, emotional, response.

I admit I would never ask a stranger to smile. I have just enough social anxiety disorder to feel uncomfortable when I meet someone new–I’m sure not going to tell them to put on a happy face. But I am surprised to discover that it is such an obnoxious offense! Is it really a male asserting dominance thing? I just don’t see it.

Someday, and I pray it is soon, I’ll become “woke.” In the meantime, I will just remind myself, and no one else, to smile, smile smile.

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