I have a problem. It is something I first noticed a year or two ago. Sadly, it seems to be getting worse. I am sure Barb is aware of my issue, but we have never talked about it. In fact, she has never mentioned it at all. But it is there. And I don’t know whether or not there is any help for me.

You see, I am a premature flasher. I am the guy in the car in front of you who starts to signal his right turn three blocks before he is actually turning. If I am planning on making a lane change I flip that signal lever half a mile before my car slides over. I’m not trying to fool the drivers following me, I just can’t help myself.

There are regulations detailing when a driver should start signaling. I vaguely remember reading them in “Rules of the Road” when I was sixteen and studying for my first driver’s license exam (the only test I failed in high school.) And I have read this current online recommendation:

“Put your turn signal on approximately 100 feet before you reach the intersection. When driving on the highway and indicating an exit, lane change, or overtake, start your indicator lights approximately 900 feet before you make the change.”

Idrivesafely.com

100 feet? 900 feet? That’s what the experts recommend? No doubt about it, I am signaling my intentions waaay too soon. Highway, toll road, local through-street, it doesn’t matter. Once I know I am going to be turning, that signal gets clicked on, and like an old-time Timex watch it just keeps on clicking.

Does it make me a better, safer, driver? Of course not. All it does is confuse the Lyft driver behind me. “Where the heck is that moron going to turn?” they mutter in Arabic or Swahili to their passengers. Or maybe they think I am one of those space cadets who is staring at his phone and doesn’t even realize the signal is blinking away.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I am any more dangerous than the cretins who zip in and out of traffic without signaling at all. They are a hazard to (my) life and limb. At worst (I hope) the only thing the premature signaling does is slow traffic down just a bit.

But what if this affliction gets worse? What if I feel compelled to turn on my right turn signal as soon I pull out of our garage and then alternate the left and right blinkers non-stop as I drive to Woodman’s Grocery or to Target? Good thing I am not driving to the lab anymore!

So if you know a solution to my problem, or a therapist you can refer me to, please text, DM, or email me. At this point, I would even settle for an online support group. As embarrassing as it is to admit it, I need help!