Now that Barb and I are home from our family-flavored week of fun in Orlando we are looking beyond the simulator adventures at Disney and Universal towards authentic thrills on our post-retirement journey to Australia and New Zealand. We have researched online, chatted with travel agents, studied cruise line brochures, and read the literature from two guided tour companies we have dealt with in the past, Tauck Tours and Abercrombie & Kent. Despite our efforts, we are no nearer to piecing together our Perfect Month Down Under than when we started.

To try to resolve the issue I gave Google an audible request to once again search for “Tauck Tours in Australia.” Perhaps I was mumbling, perhaps there was too much background noise, or perhaps I was drooling over the thought of a Vegemite sandwich, but for whatever reason, my iPhone misheard me, and instead of searching for Tauck Tours it did a (very thorough) search for “Talk to whores in Australia.”

Shazam! I was given a whole new outlook on our future plans! Now admittedly, I had not anticipated talking to ladies of the night (or in Oz is it “ladies of the morning”?) on our trip. I don’t believe I have talked to hookers on any previous vacation. In fact, it is doubtful I have ever intentionally talked to one, at home or abroad. But this seemed like a Google challenge.

So did I dare to click on any of the provided links? With no wish to be immediately harangued with ads for every sex product under the sun, and no desire for Russian scammers to reveal my prurient searches to friends, family, and co-workers if I did not send them $10,000 worth of bitcoin by the end of the day, I decided not to click my way through to any of the beauties that I knew were just one small mouse click away. I let the opportunity pass.

I am sure that we will make our voyage sometime in the next year. By land, sea, or air we will see the wonderous sites of Australasia, from Melbourne to Wellington, from Ayres Rock to the Marlborough Wine Region. But have I passed up the chance to say to a stunning Ozzie Prozzie, “G’day Mate. Can I slip another shrimp on your Barbie?”

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