I am a savvy guy. Nigerian princes gave up asking me for money years ago. The Mexican drug cartels never got beyond a first phone call with their phony attempt to buy my timeshare in Cabo. Are you a Facebook “Friend” contacting me for a favor or a donation? I’ll make you confirm your identity before I lend a helping hand or send you my credit card number. In short, Mama didn’t raise no fool.

But Woodman’s Market…this time, you got me. I was making a quick stop at the Buffalo Grove outlet. I didn’t bother with a cart, I was just planning on picking up one 12-pack of Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi, my latest go-to soda pop. In the beverage section, the face of the Pepsi shelf was leafed with bright blue store coupons “Save $2.00,” the coupons blared. “Buy Two Pepsi Brand 12 Pks. Woodman’s Saves You Money!”

I like paper coupons. I find them easier to use than the digital variety. I stripped one of the blue rectangles off the shelf and maneuvered a 12-pack of CFDP to a spot under each arm. Now wishing I had taken a shopping cart, I staggered to the nearest self-serve check-out aisle.

I am a whizz at self-checkout (remember, I was a star cashier at the Rogers Park “Jewels” in 1976.) I scanned the bar codes on my purchases and sent them flying down to the bagging station. I then scanned the blue coupon, expecting a $2.00 discount to show up on the check-out screen along with the standard instruction to push the coupon through the slot below the register.

To my surprise, the notice that showed up was quite different. “Coupon Not Accepted. Required Items Not Purchased.” I tried to scan the coupon again. Same message. I stared back and forth from the coupon to my two 12-packs. Certainly, Caffeine-Free Diet Pepsi should qualify as a Pepsi product! What was the hangup?

The people behind me were impatient so I waved over the store employee monitoring the frequently persnickety self-checkout aisles. He looked at the coupon, then at my 12-packs. He entered his secret store code into the register and tried another scan. The screen returned the same message. The kid mumbled that he would contact a manager and shuffled off.

I examined the coupon one more time. I finally saw what had previously escaped the eyes of the Woodman’s employee and me. A tiny picture, accompanied by the words “On Gaorade” in size 2 font, was hidden on the coupon. I didn’t want a sugary sports drink, so despite buying the required 24 cans of Pepsi product, I wouldn’t be getting a $2 savings. Me, the ever-alert, always vigilant, won’t get fooled dude, had been conned.

Barb and I shop at Woodman’s weekly and have done so for years. I am a rare soul who enjoys buying groceries there. They have a ginormous variety of products and offer reasonable prices without forcing you to purchase in bulk. But this $2 gimmick, minuscule as the dollar amount may be, ticked me off. A cheap trick. I won’t avoid the store in the future, but now when I shop there I will keep my eyes wide open.

What about you? Let me know what little annoying gimmicks you have come across.

And Woodman’s, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice—well, there better not be a second time!

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