No One Expects The Braggish Inquisition!

We have enjoyed our friends at Monty Python once before. So glad to see them back together again as we revisit their most famous skit.

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Scene: Florida. A large private room in the Mar-a-Lago Resort. Those present are Former President Donald Trump and his attorneys Todd Blanche, Susan Necheles, and Joe Tacopina. They are gathered around a 75″ TV screen showing Tucker Carlson, while Tacopina studies his cell phone:

Tacopina: Trouble in New York
Necheles: Oh no – what kind of trouble?
Tacopina (distracted, mumbling): Theee ae ging t char Pent Trp.
Blanche: Pardon?
Tacopina (still mumbling): Theee ae ging t char Pent Trp.
Necheles: I don’t understand what you’re saying.
Tacopina (irritated and over-enunciating): They are going to charge President Trump.
Blanche: Well what on earth for?
Tacopina: Blimey I don’t know – I just got a text from my PA saying DA Bragg is going to charge President Trump. I didn’t expect you to give me the Braggish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]
[The door flies open and New York District Attorney Alvin Bragg charges in, flanked by Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal.

Bragg: NOBODY expects the Braggish Inquisition! My chief weapon is surprise…surprise and Michael Cohen…Michael Cohen and surprise… My two weapons are Michael Cohen and surprise…and all those checks he signed… My three weapons are Michael Cohen, surprise, and all those checks he signed…and the business documents that were falsified… My four...no… Amongst my weapons…. Amongst my weaponry…are such elements as Michael Cohen, surprise….blah, blah, blah. Stormy, read the charges!

Daniels: Former President Trump you are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates pay hush money to moi and did cause Michael Cohen to take out a home equity loan to pay for it. And then pay him back and cover it up.

McDougal: And don’t forget about you and me!

Bragg: Former President Trump, how do you plead?

Trump, Neheles, Tacopina, and Blanche (in unison): We’re innocent.

McDougal and Daniels (diabolical laughter): Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Bragg: I will soon change your mind about that! I will use Michael Cohen, surprise, signed checks, business documents, yada, yada, yada…and the best known of our devices of torture…the Iron Maiden!

Bragg points to the door as Melania Trump enters the room.

Melania: Oh you stupid Donald. I have pictures of everything. And it will take more than $150,000 to get rid of me. A lot more. Besides, I can’t wait to see you in an orange prison jumpsuit to match your hair.

Bragg: NOW how do you plead?

Trump: Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! I’ll do anything to get away from her.

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