The final season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” begins tonight. Is this how this season’s first cast meeting went?

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SETTING: A glitzy Hollywood restaurant. The cast sits at a round table, staring at menus.

Susie (staring at Jeff): You couldn’t get us a better contract? Some decent money? Something I could live on?

Jeff: I tried; you know? But HE only wanted to do it for one more year. HBO wasn’t gonna throw dollars into something that was only gonna run for 10 weeks.

J.B: Like those mutha-fuckas have anything else to show? You see that dragon show? Boring as shit.

Cheryl: I sort of liked that one. It’s that creepy detective show that turns me off.

Jeff: YOU are not the target audience for that one.

Susie: At least our show doesn’t have any ads on it. Netflix with commercials on it. Can you believe that?

J.B: Come on, Susie. You can afford to come up with the fuckin’ 4 bucks a month to pay for the ad-free version.

Susie: Not with what Mr. Wonderful negotiated for us with this contract.

Cheryl: It’s really not that bad for the time it takes. You’re in what, 2 scenes an episode?

Susie: Mrs. Hoity-Toity here. Going to milk all those scenes with Ted Danson? I guess that’s better than when they had you married to Larry.

J.B: Or that guy you are really married to. That is one freaking weird dude, man.

Cheryl: I didn’t think we were here to discuss my home life.

Larry: Is there a waiter here? We’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, and I haven’t seen a waiter yet. Jeff, can’t you do something?

Susie: Yeah. He’ll negotiate for a waiter to serve us half a meal.

Larry: Bread, at least I need some bread.

Cheryl: I’ve got a package of crackers in my bag; will that keep you happy?

Larry: You have Rye Crisp. I can’t eat Rye Crisp. Too much gluten.

Cheryl: You don’t have a problem with gluten.

Larry: But I could.

A waiter approaches the table.

Waiter: Good evening, Mr. David. Ms. Hines. All. Can I take everyone’s drink order?

Susie: I like this guy. He doesn’t think I need to know his name. And I don’t wanna know his name. How are you at negotiating contracts?

Waiter: Not so good, Miss Essman. But I’m a good waiter.

J.B: Like every other black and brown man in Hollywood.

Cheryl: But not you.

J.B: Well, I’m me, man. I got the goods.

Larry: The nameless brown man is here to get our drinks. I want water with lemon. Only one ice cube. And the lemon on the side. In a plate. I want to choose my own degree of lemonosity.

Susie: Don’t ask Jeff for help. He’ll make it too sour, just like everything else.

Jeff: I tried. They wanted three years from us.

Susie: And you had something better to do?

Jeff: You gotta look at Larry. He decided “one and done.”

J.B: Susie, you and me, we gotta do a spin-off.

Susie: You going to move in with me now?

J. B: You’d have a problem with that?

Long moments of uncomfortable silence.

Larry: No one has anything to say.

Jeff: We have a round table. We have no middle to keep things moving.

Cheryl: We don’t need a middle. That was a bit, remember?

Everyone nods their heads.

Cheryl: We are nothing like those people we play in the show.

Everyone nods their heads.

Larry: So you think I’ll ever see my water? I don’t want the ice cube to start to melt. And I know he won’t remember my lemon…

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