Packed to the Raff-ters

One of the habits that Barb and I picked up during the COVID-19 pandemic was streaming TV series from Australia. The Aussies seem to enjoy family dramas with a touch of humor, and as long as our Closed Captioning is working, we enjoy them too. It is not too much of an exaggeration to say that our recent pilgrimage to Australia was sparked by all the wonderful Australians who visited our home via Amazon Prime and Netflix.

Our current favorite is Packed to the Rafters, all about a very telegenic Sydney family, the Rafters. Mom Julia and Dad Dave share their home with two of their three adult children, a daughter-in-law, and Jules’s recently widowed dad Ted. Child number three lives in the house next door with his best bud and housemate->girlfriend->fiance->wife. An equal measure of drama and hilarity ensues. We have just finished Season 2, and can’t wait to see where the Rafters go next.

And in a real-life case of life duplicating art, our Raff house is packed now too. And we love it even more than we love the Rafters!

Our daughter and her family (husband, 5-year-old son, 2 1/2-year-old daughter, 15-year-old pooch) are nomads while their home is being remodeled. The first three months were spent with our son-in-law’s parents, and now they are joining us for as long as it takes until their house is livable. How long will that be? If this were an HGTV show, I would say the renovation is in the segment just after the second commercial break–the segment in which the unexpected calamity occurs. They have been there, fixed that, and aced all the subsequent inspections. It (should be) smooth sailing from here on in.

How has it been working out so far? I think we have all made the adjustment quite well. When Barb and I built this house we went easy on the downsizing. There are enough bedrooms and bathrooms for everyone, and room to squeeze in our two other granddaughters, who are campaigning for an all-cousins sleepover.

Everyone is doing a fine job of adjusting to each other’s routines. Cooking dinners is rotated, and we have learned that our dishwasher is capable of cleaning daily loads without going on strike with a complaint of overuse. The refrigerator and pantries are overstocked, but I can usually dig out my lunch fixin’s, even if it takes an extra moment or three.

Nothing could be more satisfying than the extra time we spend with our grandkids. We are amazed at our grandson’s reading skills–and the other night I had a fascinating discussion on number theory with him. With his dad a numbers guy and his mom a math teacher, it is clear that the apple hasn’t…

Our tiny granddaughter has taken the role of family humorist. She never stops singing, playing word games, and laughing, laughing, laughing. I always preached that children didn’t demonstrate their personality until they were 3-year-olds. With the twinkle in her eyes, this one has proven me wrong.

Just like the Rafters of Sydney, we are one big happy family. There is just one feature of Packed to the Rafters we don’t want to emulate. At the end of Season 2, Julia gives birth to a midlife oops–a baby daughter. Barb has promised me, in fact, she has guaranteed me, that a similar surprise pregnancy can’t happen here. In this case, life will not follow art!

“Curb Your Enthusiasm.” The REAL Story

The final season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” begins tonight. Is this how this season’s first cast meeting went?

SETTING: A glitzy Hollywood restaurant. The cast sits at a round table, staring at menus.

Susie (staring at Jeff): You couldn’t get us a better contract? Some decent money? Something I could live on?

Jeff: I tried; you know? But HE only wanted to do it for one more year. HBO wasn’t gonna throw dollars into something that was only gonna run for 10 weeks.

J.B: Like those mutha-fuckas have anything else to show? You see that dragon show? Boring as shit.

Cheryl: I sort of liked that one. It’s that creepy detective show that turns me off.

Jeff: YOU are not the target audience for that one.

Susie: At least our show doesn’t have any ads on it. Netflix with commercials on it. Can you believe that?

J.B: Come on, Susie. You can afford to come up with the fuckin’ 4 bucks a month to pay for the ad-free version.

Susie: Not with what Mr. Wonderful negotiated for us with this contract.

Cheryl: It’s really not that bad for the time it takes. You’re in what, 2 scenes an episode?

Susie: Mrs. Hoity-Toity here. Going to milk all those scenes with Ted Danson? I guess that’s better than when they had you married to Larry.

J.B: Or that guy you are really married to. That is one freaking weird dude, man.

Cheryl: I didn’t think we were here to discuss my home life.

Larry: Is there a waiter here? We’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, and I haven’t seen a waiter yet. Jeff, can’t you do something?

Susie: Yeah. He’ll negotiate for a waiter to serve us half a meal.

Larry: Bread, at least I need some bread.

Cheryl: I’ve got a package of crackers in my bag; will that keep you happy?

Larry: You have Rye Crisp. I can’t eat Rye Crisp. Too much gluten.

Cheryl: You don’t have a problem with gluten.

Larry: But I could.

A waiter approaches the table.

Waiter: Good evening, Mr. David. Ms. Hines. All. Can I take everyone’s drink order?

Susie: I like this guy. He doesn’t think I need to know his name. And I don’t wanna know his name. How are you at negotiating contracts?

Waiter: Not so good, Miss Essman. But I’m a good waiter.

J.B: Like every other black and brown man in Hollywood.

Cheryl: But not you.

J.B: Well, I’m me, man. I got the goods.

Larry: The nameless brown man is here to get our drinks. I want water with lemon. Only one ice cube. And the lemon on the side. In a plate. I want to choose my own degree of lemonosity.

Susie: Don’t ask Jeff for help. He’ll make it too sour, just like everything else.

Jeff: I tried. They wanted three years from us.

Susie: And you had something better to do?

Jeff: You gotta look at Larry. He decided “one and done.”

J.B: Susie, you and me, we gotta do a spin-off.

Susie: You going to move in with me now?

J. B: You’d have a problem with that?

Long moments of uncomfortable silence.

Larry: No one has anything to say.

Jeff: We have a round table. We have no middle to keep things moving.

Cheryl: We don’t need a middle. That was a bit, remember?

Everyone nods their heads.

Cheryl: We are nothing like those people we play in the show.

Everyone nods their heads.

Larry: So you think I’ll ever see my water? I don’t want the ice cube to start to melt. And I know he won’t remember my lemon…

If you liked this post, remember this one?

Are These Jeopardy! Players Winners Or Losers?

Last week I discovered that Jeopardy!, the TV game show, has a losers tournament. Of course, they don’t call it that. The official name is the Second Chance Tournament, but I am not pulling any punches–these are losers! I know. I have been there, I have done that.

As host Ken Jennings explains on each episode of the SCT, the show has contacted players who have previously appeared on Jeopardy! and finished second in their first and only game. These lucky losers are being invited to chance to play again, matched against two other “non-winners.”

We are now in the middle of a complex tournament schedule, which eventually will yield a grand champion. Give me a break. The winner of this tournament will be a champion as much as Suzette Charles was Miss America in 1984. You all remember Miss Charles, don’t you? She was the runner-up who was elevated to the Miss America Crown when the true winner, Vanessa Williams, was relieved of her duties after some mildly scandalous pictures appeared in Penthouse Magazine. Not quite the same for MIss Charles as having Bert Parks sing her down the aisle.

Are these second-chance players any good? Who can tell? The answers for which the contestants must provide the questions are softballs. In the real Tournament of Champions, a contestant might need to know what year Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony was first performed. In this tournament, all that the players might need to know about Herr Beethoven is his first name.

Do I sound a bit hostile, a tad bitter? Certainly, I do! I finished second in my one appearance on Jeopardy! too! And no one is inviting me back to take another shot at it. I will admit that in my game I was a rather distant second, thousands of dollars behind the winner, while these SCT invitees were narrowly defeated in their original contests. But perhaps that means they choked the first time around, playing like a quarterback throwing a last-minute pick-six interception instead of driving his team to the game-winning touchdown.

Hard feelings aside Sony Productions, if you ever throw a second chance tournament for former players who are now seniors, have slowed reflexes, and can’t quite see the game board, I’d appreciate a call. Just keep the questions easy. And don’t worry, I’ve kept my pictures out of Penthouse, scandalous or not.

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My Favorite Game Show Hosts. Did Bob Barker Make The List?

The passing of Bob Barker has put game show hosts in the national conversation and got me thinking. Who were my favorite game show hosts? Would Bob Barker have made my TopTen?

I’m not a game show addict, but I have seen enough through the years to have my personal choices. How would my list compare to yours?

10 – Ed Grennan. Who? Mr. Grennan was a Chicagoan who hosted the high school quiz bowl show “It’s Academic.” How could I fail to list the man who hosted my television debut?
9 – Gene Rayburn. The original host of “The Match Game.” Before it got silly.
8. – Alex Trebek. I know it is heresy to say this but during my appearance on “Jeopardy!” I found Mr. Trebek cold and unfriendly. I wonder if the same could be said about my choice at Number 7.
7. – Art Fleming, the original “Jeopardy!” host, from the pre-electronic board day. On TV, he seemed like a nice guy, the type who wouldn’t try to prove he was smarter than you were.
6. – Vanna White. Not exactly the host of “Wheel of Fortune” but the woman who brought joy to the life of our son Michael, who as a one-year-old toddler would zoom up to the TV whenever he heard Vanna’s voice.
5. – Richard Dawson. No one could kiss the ladies like he could. Had he still been host, maybe my family would have been selected for “Family Feud.” We came close!
4. – John Charles Daly. Never was there a more sophisticated host than Mr. Daly, Sunday evenings on “What’s My Line?”
3. – Regis Philbin. I tried so hard to be a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” I just wanted to hear Regis say to me ‘Is that your final answer?”
2. – Allen Ludden. “College Bowl” and “Password.” A double-threat, even before he hooked up with Betty White.
1. – Hugh Downs. I learned how to solve puzzles by watching “Concentration.” Maybe my fascination with him was that he looked so much like my dad.

That’s my list and I’ll stand by it. Who would you add or delete?