I never asked my mother the right questions. I knew the broad strokes of her early life, but never asked for the fine details, the people in her life who came and went, and most importantly, I never asked how she felt about the events and feelings that shaped her life.

I thought the window to learn those things had long closed. After all, Mom has been gone for a dozen years. Dead men or ladies tell no tales.

And then when looking for some photographs last week (the old-fashioned type of photographs, the printed kind,) I rediscovered something that gave me a sliver of insight into her life.

In 1998, when Michael and Laury were 14 and 12 years old, Barb gave my mother a book called Grandmother Remembers. The hardcover book is designed to fill with memories. Each page has a title such as “Our Family Tree” or “My Wedding Day.” Prompts on each page are followed by plenty of space for jotting down thoughts of the past. There is plenty of room for pictures as well.

I presume my mother spent hours and days diligently filling out the pages, recalling memories (in 1998 at age 79 she was still mentally sharp), and pulling out boxes of old pics. She reminisced over life in Vienna–her love of her parents. Her pride in her father’s job “dressed in a beautiful uniform greeting important guests on the railroad” shines from the page. She briefly touches on her ambition to be an infant nurse or to work on a kibbutz in Israel.

And there is mention of the arrival of Adolf Hitler–Mom doesn’t say much about him or the impositions on the Jewish community in Austria but comments that her whole family was fortunate to leave for England, and eventually America.

The following sections in the book provide more background to the stories I already know: being fixed up with my father, the wedding in front of a justice of the peace, the honeymoon at a relative’s home in Highland Park. Mom was proud of rising through the ranks to become a “comptometer” operator at the Spiegel, an early direct-marketing retailer.

And then “the kids.” Sadly, the memory book has no section that could be devoted to my sister, but there are plenty of memories of my childhood and teenage years. I can concur with some of Mom’s perceptions of those times, while others I might have put a slightly different spin on. We didn’t always see things the same way!

Courtship and marriage to Barb are focused on as the last section of the book begins. The grandchildren get their just due, as do memories of favorite recipes (Linzer torte,) favorite holidays (Valentines Day at Aunt Paula’s,) and favorite TV activities (watching travelogues and VCRing tennis matches for Dad.)

The memory book concludes with a look forward instead of back, with wishes for health and happiness for the family.

Written 12 years before she died and now reread 12 years after, Grandmother Remembers helps me feel closer to my mom. It brightens the image I have of her, reminding me that she was once a young woman with hopes and dreams. I hope it will also bring wonderful memories of Grandma to our children and someday introduce her to her great-grandchildren.

And kids, if there is anything you want to know about your parent’s past–ask away!